⚡ BREAKING ⚡
BREAKING: Pan Kids Three Weeks Out, Drake Spotted at Mall Food Court for Fourth Consecutive Day Coach Announces Extra Training Sessions; Drake Announces He Is 'So Busy Right Now' Local Teen Answers Question From Parent; Full Syllable Recorded Area 14-Year-Old Explains Anime Plot for 45 Minutes to Family That Asked About His Day Report: Fridge Restocked at Noon, Declared 'Basically Empty' by 4 PM Drake Cites 'Recovery Day' for Sixth Straight Day; Investigators Unable to Locate Original Workout Father Notes Hatsune Miku Is Software; Drake Responds With Slideshow Straight-A Report Card Delivered to Family in Monosyllables Drake's Friends Confirm He Talks; Family Demands Evidence Tournament Registration Confirmed; Training Status Listed as 'He'll Figure It Out'

FAN TESTIMONIALS

Real messages from real fans* of Drake

*Realness not guaranteed. Some testimonials may be from Drake's family members.

FEATURED FAN MESSAGES

CoachAtTheAcademy

from Mat 2, Waiting

****

"Drake could do well at Pan Kids if he trains. I've told him. I've texted him. I've watched the read receipt appear. If anyone sees him, practice is still on Tuesdays. It has always been on Tuesdays."

TheEntireFriendGroup

from Food Court, Table by the Pretzel Place

*****

"He talks constantly. Hilarious guy, never stops. We hear his family gets one syllable a day and honestly we can't explain it either. Different guy entirely."

HisEnglishTeacher

from Third Period

*****

"Drake wrote a genuinely thoughtful essay on discipline and consistency. I'm told he wrote it the night before a practice he skipped. The irony has been noted in my gradebook."

NotDrakesDad

from The Kitchen, Mid-Lecture (Receiving, Not Giving)

****

"I asked one question about the singing hologram. One. I received a forty-five minute presentation with cited sources. She is software. I said that once and I am still hearing about it."

Marshall

from His Own Website, Actually

***

"He's fine I guess. He made me watch forty minutes of an anime to 'get the context' for one joke. The joke was mid. Anyway, marshallfan.club exists."

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