OFFICIAL MERCH

100% Authentic Drake Fan Club Merchandise*

*Not actually for sale. This is a joke. Please don't sue us.

📺 SUMMER BINGE SALE 📺

Use code ILLBEFINE for 0% off - Drake approved this without reading it

🗓️

Rest Day Calendar

365 rest days, pre-marked. Training days sold separately. Training days have never been in stock.

$14.99

Recovery is a lifestyle

📦

'I'll Be Fine' Tournament Prep Kit

Contains nothing. It's an empty box. This is the plan.

$39.99

Trust the process (of hanging out)

🃏

One-Syllable Conversation Cards

The complete set, all four cards: 'hm,' 'k,' 'fine,' and 'idk.' Communicate like Drake at home.

$12.99

Say less

📱

Group Chat Priority Router

Forwards your coach's messages directly to 'read.' Friends' messages arrive with fanfare and confetti.

$59.99

Never miss what matters (to you)

📘

SOLD OUT

Hatsune Miku Defense Pamphlet (Drake-Annotated)

84 pages of prepared arguments for the next time someone says 'she's software.' Includes the dad-rebuttal appendix.

$24.99

She's an artist, dad

🍜

Second Dinner Voucher Book

Twelve noodle vouchers, each redeemable within fifteen minutes of finishing dinner. The first dinner was an appetizer.

$19.99

Dinner: the prequel

📜

Subtitle Endurance Certificate

Certifies the holder 'hates reading' while reading 40,000 words of subtitles a night. Frame not included.

$9.99

It's not reading if it's anime

🥋

Where's-My-Gi Tracking Tag

Attach to gi. Tag last reported location: March. We remain confident in the product.

$29.99

It's somewhere

SHIPPING INFORMATION

Free Shipping

On orders over $10,000,000

Delivery Time

Whenever Drake gets around to it

Returns

No returns. You know what you signed up for.